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When the new term starts, mornings can be tough. Going to a new preschool or daycare with new teachers and children might be scary for many children. When parents drop off their children at preschool, everything is not always that quick and simple. Saying goodbye can make children feel sad and upset. Tears are falling, and the child is clinging to the caregiver's leg - how to get out of this situation without more distress and panic??
Here are some tips on managing separation anxiety and how educators can help children feel safer and more secure.
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What is separation anxiety?
Many children experience separation anxiety as it is a normal part of child development. Separation anxiety is a sign of a meaningful attachment.
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Infants
Separation anxiety develops after a child gains an understanding of object permanence. Once an infant realizes the parent is gone, she might get restless. Most infants develop separation anxiety around 9 months of age. The separations might feel worse if the infant is hungry, tired, or not feeling well in other ways.
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Toddlers
Some toddlers might not have separation anxiety during infancy, but start demonstrating it around 18 months of age. Again, separations are more difficult if children are hungry, tired, or ill. As toddlers become more independent, they can also act more dramatically during the separations.
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Preschoolers
By the time children are 3 years of age, some can still have separation anxiety. It is the key to maintaining consistency with the morning routine and adhering to the original plan. At this age, children understand much more, so it is a good idea to explain, for example, when the parent is coming back to pick the child up.
Get to know each other
The better the teacher knows the child, the easier it is to start preschool or daycare. If possible, ask the parents to come and visit before the start date. The child can come to play outdoors with the teachers and other children, take a look at his new classroom, meet the teachers, and so on.
Parents should fill out a document with all important information about the child. Also, the more parents tell, the better. What is the child's favorite game, color, toy, food, or sport? When a child feels that the teacher is interested in them, they trust the preschool professionals more and make separations from their parents easier. Get your copy of a Child Resume Template here.
Eventhough children have many peers and friends in daycare, only mature, caring adult attachments can deliver a secure, safe connection that a young child needs.
Let children show their emotions
It is essential to allow children to express their feelings. If a child is crying and sad that their parent is leaving, hold the child on your lap and "collect their tears". It is natural for children to cry when they feel upset.
Educators should not push children to be "big" or "strong" and "stop that silly sobbing," but, on the contrary. It is beneficial that the child is expressing their feelings; it also supports their mental health. When a child reveals feelings and cries after their parents, the teacher can help the child and earn their trust by being present during that difficult moment.
Feeling sad and crying is actually one of the most natural things for a child when faced with the things they can’t change or hold onto. Telling a child not to worry about it or not to cry when they are missing further diminishes their feelings and sense that a care provider can take care of them.
Tips to help yearning at the daycare
If a child is highly stressed and has difficulty waiting for a parent to come and pick her up, there are ways to help the day pass more smoothly.
- Visual timetable
Make a visual timetable of the preschool's routines. Have pictures of each activity, such as breakfast, circle time, outdoor play, lunch, naptime, playtime, tidy-up time, snack time, and bedtime. You can put all these pictures in a row on the wall and then turn them around one by one when each activity has finished. This way it is easier for the child to stay on track of what is still happening before she gets picked up.
Look for visual timetables, such as those from Twinkl.
- Soft toy or another special item
If the child has a special soft toy, she can take it with her to preschool on a tough day. Additionally, other items may help alleviate separation anxiety, such as a parent's scarf.
- In my heart
You could ask the parent to draw a small heart on her child's palm. Whenever the child feels sad and misses their parent, she can look at her little heart and remember that her parents love her and come to pick her up at the end of the day!
- Family photo wall
Each family could bring a family photo, and you can make a photo wall for the daycare! Then, whenever a child is missing their parents, you can take a look at the family photo together.
- Send a message
If a child is very upset, you could send a message to the parent together and write something like "I miss you" or whatever the child would like to express. A message is always good; any parent loves to see and hear how their child is doing at daycare!
Praise + support
Give children undivided attention always when possible, and be worthy of their trust. When children feel and believe that their needs are taken care of in daycare, they can calm down and have nothing to worry about, even when their parents are not present.
It is also important for educators to support, convey and praise children in all they do! When children learn new things (for example to put socks on) they trust themselves more and become more independent and self-confident. This supports separation anxiety in a way that children feel more confident to function on their own.
See you later, alligator!
The parent and the child can discuss what they are going to do after daycare or what will be for dinner at home tonight. Anything that gives the child an idea of upcoming events with his parent might make him feel better and look forward to them.
When a parent is leaving, tell them to smile, say "See you later!" to the child, and do not prolong the leaving process for any reason. Maintaining the same simple routine will help the child become accustomed to drop-offs and reassure them that the parent will always return at the end of the day.
Follow-up
Usually, separation anxiety is worst at the moment when the parent leaves, but then the child calms down and usually finds something interesting to play with. When the crying and screaming have stopped, be sure to inform the parents - it will undoubtedly make them feel more at ease. Even the littlest message, "Everything is fine now," means a lot to the parents and gives a good impression of you as an educator and the daycare. If you can attach a photo of the child to go with that text, it is just w o n d e r f u l!
Get more tips about strengthening collaboration between parents and preschool from our recent blog, "Taking Parents Along in Their Child's Learning Journey at the Preschool!"
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References